I waited all those years
For a star to fall from the sky
To wish upon it
For you to fall for me,
Tonight it did,
And I wished for someone to love me
Like I loved you,
After all these years
Of burning my way through
dreams and disasters to you
Only to find you
Flinching away from the flames
I didn’t need a falling star
To tell me
You were not worth its dying wish
Impervious veins hold
the grieving drops of ruby back,
Rust constellates over my skin
And the black depths of my wounds
are filled with the fragments of time
Spent forgetting you
But in dark hours of dawnless nights
When my eyes seek you, not light
I pick and scratch at scabs of healing hurt
To bleed remembrance
And catch a glimpse of you
The Sun doesn’t care
If it might be too harsh
For prying eyes
It doesn’t burn low on days
You want it to
The moon doesn’t light up
Every night
They shine, some days bright ,
Somedays lacklustre,
They don’t have to answer for their fire
And neither do you.
May be it is in moments like this,
When the universe reaches out to you
In its extraordinary ways
You find yourself
Whispering secrets into its colossal depths
That were hiding,
Unsuspected,within yours
I will meet you where dew drops wet the lips of leaves,
Where clouds caress the moon,
Where rain drops fill the cracks in scarred rocks,
Where tress hold hands beneath the ground
I will meet you in places
Where unconventional, unglorified lovers entwine,
Beneath the surface, cloistered and dark
Within the crevices of universe
And in undiscovered galaxies
Where our stories are sung by lost stars
He says, Years have passed
Have they, love ?
I would still break into tears
If you hold me
Would you wipe them away
Like that day though?
Would you hug me tight,
trembling hands buried in my hair
And let your sigh at the nape of my neck
Say goodbye?
Or this time will you let go and cry?
He says years have passed
But after all these years the moment hasn’t
It’s frozen where our lips last met
Immune to the whims of time and space
Every time we think of each other
We are still locked in that embrace
Darling, we never finished saying our goodbyes
I could keep writing for years
And never run out of words for you
But I don’t know how to put these mere alphabets together
To paint your eyes
And their transcendent hues
I don’t know if I can ever exactly describe their colour
And how they looked under the sun
When we were walking into the woods
And you smiled at me
I cross my heart
I wouldn’t call myself a poet
Until I find the word for it-
The tincture
that haunts my thoughts
With sunkissed horizons and sunset blues
Years, I have spent years
Looking at the walls
Of this tatterdemalion citadel
Splattered with my innards
And bleeding heart
Years, I have seen just one colour,
This indigo muck paint on my hands
And Papers on the wall
Saying the same things,
Different words,
In want of what?
Sympathy?
Empathy ?
Attention?
Compassion?
Years , I have spent years,
Almost seven,
Sitting at this table
Now my hands tremble
And it’s tempting to drop that pen
Never write, never feel, never think
And never spell a word again
If only, humans had wishbones
It would be easier
to trap scampish desires
Beating their way out of tired,
infiltrated rib cages
They help birds fight,
Well may be we could win the constant fight
Between what the heart wants and what it should
And may be all those times
When we kill our own dreams
Or watch them getting trampled
under some other feet
And a sigh of “only if” gets stuck in our throats
They would get caught in our wish bones instead
Which when pulled apart
Will atlast let out a sigh of hope
And make wishes come true
I wish the words I write were poetry
And not the unholy wail of a caged soul
Banished and branded as satan
When all its sin was to love
But differently,
And with the kind of madness
That threatened to destroy
Whatever stood in between us
I wish you or I could do something
To stop this
But I have no wings to clip
They pulled and tore every feather out
And walked me naked
But that wasn’t my walk of shame,
All they saw was your name
Engraved on every inch of my flesh
And I can’t fall like Lucifer
I am standing on my feet,
My ground,
Not yours.
I want to go through this life
Like a nebulous nebula
Of valour, strength and bright colours,
Exploring uncircumscribed orbits,
Gravitating towards destiny
Adrift, so far from this mundane world
In its shades of grey, hatred and envy,
Out of tune with its blues of rutted routines
And when I spend
All the life
Gushing through my iridescent veins
I want to die like a shooting star
Brilliant, even when it is falling
Blazing, one last time
This time,
I didn’t lose the key
I lost the darned lock
Your name on my lips
Sounds like a prayer
Held back for long
Behind gritted teeth,
Bitten tongue
Of a pretentious atheist
And in moments of bareness,
When I crumble and say it
Your name sounds like a hymn
I have always been enough
But you reach into arcane corners of me
And show me I am so much more
than all that I have discovered
I am not lost, not broken
But we find new pieces of me sometimes
and you tell me, I am an adventure
Don’t break my fall
Don’t pull me up
I have been ripped and pulled apart
So many times
Dream, hopes and smithereens burried in dirt,
I can gather the pieces myself
Even if the shards cut;
Just tell me it’s okay to scatter
Quit dreaming,
They said,
To their daughters, wives and mothers,
Those bumptious men
But dream, the fickle mistress
Isn’t loyal to one but disloyal to many
Be it men or women
Be it the free or the oppressed
So rebel!
Rebel against drooping eyelids
Let scarlet dream burn through the shame in your green eyes
Refuse to lower your gaze
Rebel against the land you walk on in chains
Let there be war paint and war cries
This is an uprising,
Rise despite the arrows along your spine
That pierced your organs organs with notions
Of inequality and incapacity
Rise and heave all mothers daughters and wives to their feet
Rise with such vivacity
That virtuous and valiant men shall answer to the call
And fight along your side
Fall has come,
The trees are gloriously naked in the woods
So all those fallen
Must shed their branded skins and rise
Freedom isn’t asked or begged for
Freedom isn’t granted
Fight for the freedom of your spirit,
For the chaos in your head,
For the revolutions on your tongue
Fight to remain the beautifully flawed humans we all are
Before they say ,
Quit feeling,
Quit thinking,
Quit living,
Quit breathing
I loved you so much
I would have walked
Along the edge of a hundred swords
To reach you if you needed me,
I loved you like a drop of tear in your eyes
Was the poison that could kill me
And I would rather have had
my heart ripped out
Than let anybody else in
I don’t know how I did that,
Stood still
and listned to the wail
of your breaking heart
But now I clamp my hands over my ears
To drown the echo and go to sleep,
When I do,
You are the nightmare or the dream
Now when I look for traces of me in your life
I hope to find more of those photographs
We are smiling in
And not the scars that left you bleeding words,
Empty eyed,
If someday they remind you of me
And you wonder
If I spent last night thinking about us,
I want you to know
I did
I loved you so much
I thought I would die without you
And you know, I did.
The people we call broken
Are more often warriors
burried under rotting carcasses
Of everything they fought for,
Stood with
They may not stir
And light may bounce off their blank stare
But they are not gone,
Not yet
They are not broken
If they haven’t left the battlefield
Where the humus spits out more heroes
Than time can inhume.
Have you ever stood on somebody’s porch
Staring in disbelief at the door
that just slammed shut
Thinking it is going open,
It has to open,
Any minute,
Any day now.
Well, I did
and it never opened,
not for me,
Even when I lost hope
I went back for closure
I went back to every locked door
Until I locked my door one day
and sat on the otherside
Waiting for knocks
Some came
Some did not
And I realised this-
Closed door,
Turned back
Is closure
Lame excuses for leaving aren’t
Goodbye aren’t
Ends do not necessarily demand an epilogue
We blame the storm
for blowing us apart
but did we hold hands?
You hate my dagger
but tell me
why did you turn your back?
You are right
The fault wasn’t yours
I was always on the otherside ,
Looking through the glass
May be I shouldn’t have let you
Keep me like a butterfly
In your glass jar
aphroditeanderson 